Restless by JL Denman 2009

Restless
Restless by JL Denman august 21, 2009

Restless
wired
strung out on your love
wrecked in the heart
bound and gagged
screaming inside
torn apart
separated
insides worn out and the outside boiled away in frustrated roiling
Alone
without
distraught
dyeing from loneliness and sadness and absence
absence makes the heart grow...
fonder, deeper, wider, more more more more more more
absence makes the nerves fray
makes the soul strain
makes the heart beat two minutes then not at all then a mile a minute then nothing at all then slow and sluggish as a snail stuck in frozen sludge.
Restless
alone
without you
I feel it crawling
it creeps
it shreds.
I flip
channels
clothes
mattresses
more channels
more programs
more nonsense blaring at me from speakers and screen and inside my own head screeching like hoot owls in the middle of a hail storm on the wake of a hurricane.
Restless
sleepless
sleeping always
feeding
feeding desperation feeding heartbreak
absence
your absence it pulls at me
it makes me cry
it turns my insides out to the world to pick at and poke at and wonder at and laugh at and...
restless
without you
night is too bright
day is too dark
heat is too cold
cold is sweltering
restless
love
alone
without your smile
without your love
without your arms
without
without
with
out out out out out
Gone
alone waiting for your return--------------- my return to you
it hurts
it bleeds
restless
no rest
I rest less
sleep more
eat more
cry more
wish more
want more
need more
desire more
all gone
all turned upside down
all mashed and smashed against the back of my rib cage where my heart should be and where your love is hiding- too far away so far away yet so close so closed up next to my own beating, whimpishly, impishly, achingly restless heart that pumps memories and sweet songs to my brain.
restless. I can’t rest
'less you're near to me
here with me
next to me
with me
always
to rest in your arms and cover myself with your kisses
restless
..............................................until I smell your cologne on my pillow.
..............................................until I feel your kisses on my neck.
..............................................until I feel you, all of you again